They want you mend beacuse you getting a way that would not flow with them..
“Hey! Are you alright? ”
This is how everything starts when someone asks me if i am alright? Yes why not, i am perfectly fine. Or no, i am not fine and so and so is the problem. How hard could it be to say it but i don’t. Not that i am not expressive, we all are expressive beings. Many types of expression exists. verbal and non verbal are the general ways to categorise it.
No, i am not depressed, this is simply my theory that i do not speak of how i feel when i am sad. Maybe because i lived alone in pune for a long time or beacuse all my cousin were never of my age so nobody ever bent down or lowered an ear. The best could be that i always felt it doesn’t matter.
I left for my graduation and would come only on vacations. We all would get together for a welcome back and then it all starts. “Hey, Anu, so how did it go?”, My brother asked. I had no idea what he said, but deep inside i knew what he meant.
I lost my best friend Anne a month back in a car accident. The entire college went on streets to get her justice bt i did not leave the room. I knew she understand but she was not there anymore to understand anything. Making friends is difficult for me. People hardly understand my theory. Normally they just want me to change into them because they think thier theory is better and right.
What is experience? Normally experienced man is more desirable in suggestions than the opposite one. He obviously has gone through more ups and downs than anybody. But how am i sure that his experience woul best suit me? Everyone has a theory, i have my own which is inexplicable.
“If you do drugs and then i stop you, so am i wrong” is not related to any changes in my theory.
I packed all her things in a box that we shared. I took it near a sea and sat there for a while with it.
Judgements are the biggest criminals and the victim is nothing but a self esteem. How do anyone knows that they are right? Judgements are murders, they kill you. They say how bad are you by someone who judged that if you are on drugs, they will stop you.
It was our favourite beach, every now an then we would sit there silently and listened to the voices of waves. It is like waves are expressing and you will understand this only if you agree with my theory. It expresses condolences to the ones who drop in them, it expresses it hard work to bring the body to the shore, it expresses its hard time but also its happiness to let the boat float.
Expression is not what we speak but what we feel. This is my theory. I feel people, thier problems and the misery in the world. I express it in my own ways and that does not involve shouting. People shout and i know it. They shout beacuse they want to be heard. To them it doesn’t matter who hears, they just speak and let it go and simply i do not do that.
Hey, Anu, are you alright? Everyone was silent on the table and i said yes. Mom said why do i have to lie, we are family so i can share anything i want. It took me strength to speak and so i said, i miss her and i feel painful to let her go. I was full of tears. To which my sister replied, be practical and move on. Well, this was her theory but i never expressed to them ever again. I shouted to those who did not even care for my loss as it was not practical?
I went to the bathroom with my pillow and laid there. I turned on the side and cried. I understood a simple law, if your theory is not same, you cannot stick around well because people are generally always right and you are always wrong.
It never takes much to point how badly you are leading a life, but it is only your thoery people who says that you are right.
So do not worry, i will not die alone but i will die with only one person besides me and that will be more than i would want.
“Stars shine together, but it is moon that stands apart and shine brighter”.